We Help People Knock Out their BackStory’s!
Counseling & Coaching You to Success.
Take a few seconds to look out our site and you will quickly get that we are crazy about helping people CRUSH their BackStory’s. After counseling and coaching for the last twenty years the one consistent theme that I found is that most of us allow our BackStory’s to affect how we think, work, and love. In most cases we don’t’ know how to stop doing it or don’t even see that we are doing it. Now, that does not mean that we are not productive, functional, adults. In fact it’s just the opposite most of us have figured out how to be rock star chics in our careers and with our families. What it does mean is that our BackStory’s find a way to sneak into how we do intimate relationship and how we mange confidence and self-esteem. It shows up in the form of us being insecure, settling for less than best, over reacting to situations, and trying too hard to make everyone around us happy. I have developed a specific program that tackles BackStory’s that affect 5 key areas; Love Relationships, Family Relationship, Confidence, Self-Esteem and Culture. I would like to help you CRUSH your BackStory?
Warmly, Dr. Kirleen
The real BackStory behind why you can’t seem to get the whole Relationship thing right.
You’re no cry baby, you’re not sitting at home talking about woe is me because of something that happen to you in childhood or because you don’t’ have a great relationships with your family or because of a failed relationship. You have picked yourself up by the boot straps and Made Life Happen. You crushed, stomped and demolished your BackStory. In fact you have become a pretty successfully adult despite difficult circumstance. In other words you did not allow your BackStory to show up in a LOUD way in your life. You choose to be a productive adult. So, it would seem that you should be living the life of our dreams, right? You should have a good relationship, confidence in your abilities and a career that makes you happy. After all if you were able to overcome other obstacles you should be able to find basic happiness. Well, you may be thinking “I’m not quite their yet”. One of the reasons you struggle to have the life that you really want is that your BackSTory can be one tricky sun of gun. Your BackStory understands that it can’t come through the front door, it understands that you will see it coming and CRUSH it. So it finds a way to gently slitter into your life. It finds a way to affect how you react, over react, and think about relationships and situations. It ultimately finds a way to stop you from keeping love, peace of mind, and happiness. Learning the five main ways in which your BackStory sneaks into your life and then implementing strategies to tackle your BackStory is the key. This website is dedicated to giving you advice and information on how to tackle your BackStory.
Warmly Dr. Kirleen
Relationship Seminar August 29,2015
You work hard, play hard, and are a rock star on you job but yet find yourself unable to attract the same kind of success in your intimate relationships. Understanding how your BACKSTORY is affecting your relationship choices may be the key. Dr. Neely will host a two hour seminar on August 29, 2015 to help you finally find and keep the love they want.
Are You Ready to Finally Improve your Self-esteem and Confidence BackStory?
The idea of having low self-esteem is talked about so often but the irony is that most of us don’t’ really understand how to define it, figure out if we have it and we defiantly don’t know how to change it. In this audio podcast hosted by Plaid For Women Radio Dr. Kirleen will give you the inside scoop on how to understand, access and change your Self-Esteem BackStory. Make sure to pay it forward and share the audio with your girlfriends. Listen to Dr. Kirleen Now
PAYING IT FORWARD
GET FREE COACHING NOW !
Have you every wanted to ask a counselor or coach a question about something that you have going on in your life? Have you ever been at a point where you desperately needed an objective professional perspective on your situation? Well, judging from all the questions I receive on a daily basis, I’m guessing the answer is YES! To meet this need I have decided to pay it forward and crearte a platform to have your questions answered for FREE! So, this is how it works. You drop me an email with your particular question, and I will create a video response for you. The response will be posted on my Youtube channel so that someone else who has the same question may get help as well. Of course your name and personal information will not be shared. Well, let’s get started fist sign up for my YouTube channel then send me an email with your question. I will contact you back and let you know when you response will be posted.
Step 1: Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: Step 2: Send Your Question to ASK DR. KIRLEEN
A Children’s book Untangling the Natural Hair Cultural BackStory.
Straight Talk, A mother daughter conversaion about self-acceptance and learning to love your Hair.
BackStory’s come in every shape and forms and are often profoundly shaped in our childhood. Media images and culture play enormous roles in how we see the world and more importantly how we see ourselves. Straight Talk, uses hair as vehicle to spur conversation about the common cultural BackStory of hair-shaming that many African American girls experience. The story gives the child a history lesson about African hair pre-slave trade to present day and touches on media’s impact on perception. The message of self-acceptance transcends race and culture. The book is based on Dr. Kirleen’s clinical research on dominate beauty standards and hair loss for young women of color.
Tip of the Month for August 2015
Take the Leap of Faith & Join in on the Trust Fall!
Why do some people have difficulty with trusting others? Many of us have trusted someone, given them our all; only to be let down, and hurt by what we feel is their betrayal. No one likes to feel exposed and many factors can be associated with the lack of trust; most commonly is the fear of rejection, judgment, failure, and fear of being taken advantage of. To trust someone is exposing yourself to what most people would consider one of the most vulnerable states; by believing and trusting the other person ultimately will not hurt you. This is why when trust is lost one can feel betrayed, embarrassed, and even angry with that person.
When we trust in someone the emotions we feel give us a sense of relief; we have feelings of companionship, friendship, love, comfort and agreement. Great feelings that help keep us in a positive and happy mood. When we look at these key components it could essentially be the ideal recipe for a successful and healthy relationship. We yearn from a young age to find someone who we can trust that will respect and care for us. Trust is an essential key component in any relationship and even more so in a romantic relationship. Ultimately allowing us to be who we truly are and in turn we reciprocate those feelings back to them.
Here are a couple of common issues couples of all stages face that inhibit trust along with some tips on how to prevent these issues from affecting your relationship:
Communication: To avoid mixed signals be honest with your partner about how you feel. At times people think lying to their partner, or not stating the whole truth is better than telling them what is really going on. People tend to do this to protect their partner or themselves because they do not want to hurt one another. In reality, being honest with your partner is better than lying or telling the half truth regardless of the situation. It gives both you and your partner an opportunity to understand the situation and respond truthfully. Learn to be honest, open and upfront with your partner.
Empathy: Being able to empathize with your partner will open up the opportunity to connect on a deeper level. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes see the situation from their point of view and try to understand their reaction, would you react in the same way or how would you react? To empathize with your partner does not mean you have to give up your personal wants or needs. It just means you are able to take a moment to understand and appreciate your partner’s perspective.
Set & Test Your Boundaries: Talk to your partner and discuss possibilities that would question their trust. For example, if you know it bothers your partner when you speak to an ex acknowledge and respect that this bothers them. Your partner should know and feel that they are a priority in your life. Also make the time to create and explore opportunities that will test the boundaries of your relationship by trying new things together. By exploring new experiences you will begin to really know the core of each other and learn to trust each other.
Be Reliable: In essence to trust someone is to rely on them. We trust that our partner is going to follow through with their commitments to us and the relationship. If your partner states they’ll be home in time for dinner, you expect them to do so; like wise if you make a similar commitment they have the same expectations. As the saying goes “Actions speak louder than words.” This reliability or trust builds a sense of security within the relationship that many of us need, making it easier to trust one another.
Trust Yourself: Remember there is a reason that you were drawn to this person. You believed this person was worthy of your trust, time and affection for a reason. Trusting yourself is the strongest foundation on which to continue to build trust on.